Dear Mother,
Since i was a kid, you kept telling me that i am not an important part of either someone's life or
the world.
When i did smthg wrong, you always told me (actually us, with my brother) that Get out of this house
without any clothes!! "I would help you to hang myself. There is a strong enough and nice size tree outside"
When i liked some actors, you told me that the man is so poor cuz you bitch like him.
When i told you i want to start sthg new, you said, " Who have to pay for it? Where does the money come from?
Are you earning money? Is it really important to my life? Is it worth giving money? What about tuition fees?
Why didnt you choose the cheapest uni? Why cant you get any scholarships?"
You never call my name, just call me pig. You say i am ugly, stupid, not wise, so fat, no one wants me to be near etc...
and now I believe it because parents have nothing wrong, they are the best in children's lives. am i wrong?
Father never stops complaining about everything surrounding him. He believes he is the best all over the world.
I am an idiot but i know he is wrong. However, you just listen to him and later, you throw all your discontent over me.
Where can i pass it? Nowhere. i have to keep inside me. no one cares of me.
You also kept telling me that study is all i have. if i dont get good score in exams, there is no meaning i am exist.
now my score is neither good nor bad. for my friends (are they real?), mine is still good enough, which is around 70 to 80,
but for you, mom, only over 90 proves i am smart. enything else doesnt make difference to you, right?
Congratulations, Mom. Here comes your perfectly stupid, ugly negative daughter has been made! Well done!
Apparently, there are 2 kinds of Japanese. Some are brave enough to commit suicide and the others are
not enough and before they do, just die because of illness or accidents.
Which am i going to be? wish i would be valiant but NOT...
you told me i cant do anything by myself. you were right! i cant kill even myself!!
Could you help me to end my life as you always said before?
Best wishes,
i still love you. that is why i cannot tell you this...
